Pay most attention to the style in which you scored highest in Storm. This is the style you are most likely to use when you are in challenging circumstances and emotions are aroused. If you have two styles with equally high scores, study both of them.
Every style has a set of strengths that come with it, as well as a unique set of problems or weaknesses that arise if you rely too much on this style for all situations. It is important to both honor the strengths and recognize the weaknesses of your highest style and to do so in that order. If you start with the strengths, you will find it easier to also recognize the dangers of over-use of this style and choose other styles when they are more appropriate.
If you have a score of 12 or more in this style or if it is 4 or more points higher than any other style, you are especially likely to experience the costs of unwise use.
Learning activity: Read the section in your Report called "Your Highest Score in Storm"
For additional study, compare your highest style to the other four styles at Benefits of Wise Use and Costs of Unwise Use and Choosing the Right Style (available online only; the info at those links is not in the hard copy printout).
Study the style you use least in Calm. If in doubt (for example, if you have several scores within a point or two of each other), give special attention to the style that you feel is the hardest for you to use well. Since this is the style you are probably least skilled in, expanding your ability to use it will open new options for responding in conflict.
Learning activity: Read the section in your Expanded Report called "Your Lowest Score in Calm"
For Further Learning:
a) Review the strengths and weaknesses of all five styles on the page Strengths and Weaknesses of Each Style and the page Choose the Right Style.
b) Think about skills or attitudes your own lowest style requires and consider ways to strengthen these. There is a good chance that you had early life experiences with people close to you who over-used this style and that this contributes to your reluctance to use the style. If this is so, consider the difference between wise use and over-use. Identify situations that might arise in your life when that this style might be the best response.
If your numbers are very close, within 2-3 points of each other, you may be equally skilled in all styles. This is a strength, the mark of a flexible repertoire of responses to conflict. However, one limitation of flexibility is that it can make you seem unpredictable to others. In conflicts, give special attention to communicating your intentions so others understand what you are up to. You may have an inner sense that one of the styles is more difficult for you than others. If so, pay special attention to this style.
Learning Exercise: Discuss these numbers with one or several other people. Conflict is a social phenomenon; you will learn more if you make your study of it a social experience as well. You can learn a great deal by comparing numbers with someone else who has taken this inventory. If you are taking the inventory on your own, explain the numbers to a friend or loved one. Ask for feedback: Do the numbers fit what you do in real life?
The concept that each style has benefits and costs is one of the most important ideas in conflict style management. As we become more aware of these, choosing the best response in any situation gets easier. You can review them for all five styles here.
Learning Exercise. Have a small group discussion. Each person tells their scores and comments on them. There are suggestions of questions for discussion. For one-on-one discussion, see Exercise 1. For group discussion, see Exercises 1-4.
