Select your language
If you need assistance, email center@riverhouseepress.com with a copy of the login instructions you received and a brief description of what is happening. We'll reply in one business day-usually less.
This dashboard makes it easy for trainers to register users, track how many users have taken the Inventory, control access to score reports, print or email reports, etc. Order dashboard here .
After you have purchased the dashboard, login below.
This page contains guidance for all five styles in Calm and Storm. Use this info to gain insight about styles that were not addressed in your score report, or to learn how to work more effectively with others around you whose conflict styles you are now able to recognize.
This suggests that when stress and tension are high you press ahead with your own agenda and focus on what you feel needs to be said or done, without being distracted by or conceding to the wishes of others.
Directing has particular strengths and weaknesses you should be aware of.
Wisely used, Directing enables you:
Although Directing has important strengths, use this forceful style with care. Ignoring the wishes of others is necessary at times, but over-use of Directing is likely to bring:
You can do things to help you experience more benefits of wise use of Directing and fewer costs of overuse:
With someone who prefers Directing as a conflict style, others are more likely to get a favorable response if they:
This suggests that when things get tense you try to create a discussion in which both sides openly present their views and then work intensively to find solutions that fully address needs of both. Cooperating has particular strengths and weaknesses you should be aware of.
Strengths associated with wise use of this style include:
Though it has wonderful strengths, like all styles, Cooperating has its limits. Overuse of Cooperating is likely to bring:
This is a highly constructive but energy-intensive conflict style. You can take special measures so you experience more of the benefits of wise use of Cooperating and fewer of the costs of overuse.
With someone who prefers Cooperating as a conflict style, others are more likely to get a favorable response if they:
This suggests that, when stress and tension are high, you step back or withdraw in order to keep things calm. Avoiding has particular strengths and weaknesses that you should be aware of.
Each style has costs that come with over-reliance on that style. With Avoiding, these are not immediately obvious. Things may stay quiet for a while! But over-use of Avoiding has high long-term costs. These include:
You can take steps to experience more benefits of wise use of Avoiding and fewer costs of overuse:
With someone who prefers Avoiding as a conflict style, others are more likely to get a favorable response if they:
This suggests that when tension is high, you make effort to please the other person and keep the relationship strong, rather than pressing ahead with your own agenda. Harmonizing has a particular set of strengths and weaknesses that you should be aware of.
Characteristics of this style include:
If you over-use Harmonizing when other styles are more appropriate, it can bring consequences you should be aware of:
You can take special measures so you experience more of the benefits of wise use of Harmonizing and fewer of the costs of overuse.
With someone who prefers Harmonizing as a conflict style, others are more likely to get a favorable response if they:
As a Harmonizer you might want to pick out things above that seem true for you and discuss them with people you live or work with.
This suggests that when things get tense you seek concessions from all sides, expecting everyone to accept less than what they want so conflict can end and people can get on with things.
Compromising has particular strengths and weaknesses that you should be aware of.
Strengths associated with wise use of this pragmatic style include:
Despite its valuable characteristics, Compromising has downsides. If you respond to every conflict with "let's make a deal", you will experience disappointments, including:
These can help diversify your conflict resolution skills beyond Compromising:
With someone who prefers Compromising as a conflict style, others are more likely to get a favorable response if they:
This suggests that in early stages of conflict, when things are not yet emotional, you use Avoiding less than other styles. This spares you some of the weaknesses of Avoiding. For example, if people chronically avoid difficult discussion in a long-term partnership, bad feelings fester and grow. Energy and enthusiasm may fade. Too much avoidance endangers relationships.
But Avoiding also has important uses you may be missing out on. You'll be most effective in conflict if you are good at all five styles. So increased use of the arts of stepping back and avoiding conflict might be beneficial, especially if there is a gap of 3 points or more between your lowish Avoiding score and your highest score in Calm.
In Avoiding, you respond to differences by withdrawing from interaction. Neither person gets what they want; you just avoid the topic or the person. Although it has limits, Avoiding is wise, and indeed necessary, at times.
Conflict takes time and energy, and it's stressful. If we take on every battle, we run out of time and energy for the things most important to us. We should avoid at times, especially when:
Since Avoiding seems not to come naturally for you, your life may improve if you experiment with avoidance strategies. For example:
The styles you scored high in are valuable. Keep using them! But as you become more skilled in Avoiding, you may have more time and energy for the things you care about most.
If you scored lower in Directing in Calm settings than other styles, you probably rarely use this style. This helps you avoid possible weaknesses of the Directing style, such as being inflexible or insensitive to relationships.
But Directing also has important strengths you may be missing out on. You'll be most effective in conflict if you are good at all five styles. So increased use of Directing might be beneficial, especially if the gap between your Directing score and your highest style in Calm is 3 or more.
In Directing you focus on your own wishes or duties. You ignore, while using this style, the wishes and feelings of others. Although it has obvious limits, Directing is necessary sometimes. A ship's captain in rough seas, an emergency room physician, the leader of a youth group on a field trip, the parent of a child running towards the street - all serve others best by being strongly in charge. They should not worry too much, at least for the moment, about the feelings and preferences of others.
Almost everyone needs to use Directing occasionally. It is valuable for:
You can experiment with strategies that will make it easier to use Directing when you choose:
Ratchet up your use of Directing slowly and see how it feels. The styles you already use are valuable - keep using them! But start experimenting with Directing so you can use it when you must act decisively, take charge, coordinate, do difficult work, and persist in the face of big challenges or difficult people.
If you scored lower in this style in Calm settings than other styles, it suggests that in early stages of conflict, when it's just an everyday disagreement and things are not yet emotional, you use Cooperating less than other styles. This helps you avoid possible weaknesses of the Cooperating style, such as spending too much time and energy debating every small issue.
But Cooperating also has important strengths. If the gap between your Cooperating score in Calm and your highest score in another style in Calm is 3 points or more, you may be missing out on them. Conflict is easier if you are good at all five styles, so you may get quick gains with more use of this style.
Cooperating is a "both...and..." response to conflict. You both assert your own needs and support your opponent by thoughtfully hearing and supporting their needs. Cooperating requires investing time and energy into conversation to look at the needs of both sides and seek ways to address both.Although it's not right for all circumstances, Cooperating is wise and necessary at times:
Cooperating involves two sets of skills, asserting your own views and supporting your counterpart. Each set of skills requires some practice to learn in its own right. In the Cooperating conflict style you use them simultaneously. Because they have very differing qualities, these two skill sets may seem to be in tension with each other. While you are still learning the skills, it helps to think of cooperating as taking turns. One side speaks while the other listens carefully. Then the other side speaks while the first listens.
Unless you were lucky enough to have good modeling of Cooperating by adults in your childhood, it may feel strange in the beginning. Expect to spend some time reading about and practicing this style to get good at it. A good place to start is with Lee Jay Berman's essay, "13 Tools for Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, with Customers and in Life". There are essays on this Riverhouse page (scroll to the section "Cooperating and Compromising as Conflict Styles") that offer many good ideas.The styles you scored high in are valuable. Keep using them! But you may wish to experiment with getting more comfortable with Cooperating, especially in settings where you really care about both the relationship and the issues involved.
If you scored low in this style in Calm settings, this suggests that in early stages of conflict, when things are not yet emotional, you use Compromising less than other styles. This helps you avoid possible weaknesses of the Compromising style. These could include the compromise of important values or principles, failing to examine problems in depth, and settling for "half solutions" that don't really help anyone.
But Compromising also has important strengths you may be missing out on. You'll be most effective in conflict if you are good at all five styles. So increased use of Compromising might be beneficial, especially if the gap between your Compromising score and your highest score in Calm is 3 or more.
In Compromising, you seek prompt resolution of a conflict by finding a solution that gives both sides some of what they want but less than their full preference. You give in a bit in return for the other side giving in a bit. Compromising is not right for every situation, but it has strong advantages in some settings:
Experiment with the following to get better at compromising. None is perfect for all; pick the ones that appeal to you:
The other styles you scored high in are valuable - keep using them! But you may wish to experiment with getting more comfortable with Compromising, especially when a practical solution is needed on quickly; or when it is important for everyone to get at least some of what they wanted.
If you scored low in this style in Calm settings it suggests that in early stages of conflict, when it's just an everyday disagreement and things are not yet emotional, you use Harmonizing less than other styles. This helps you avoid possible weaknesses of the Harmonizing style, such as difficulty in taking a stand on things that matter to you, or inability to press ahead with important tasks if others challenge you.
But Harmonizing also has important strengths you may be missing out on. You'll be most effective in conflict if you are good at all five styles. So increased use of Harmonizing might be beneficial, especially if the gap between your lowish Harmonizing score and your highest score is 3 or more.
In Harmonizing, you give high priority to the relationship and keeping the other person happy, and a lower priority to tasks or your agenda. You set aside your own preferences as necessary in order to please the other person and keep the relationship strong. It's not right for all circumstances, but Harmonizing is a wise response sometimes. For example:
To Harmonize you give good attention and support to others and their needs. Ways to do that:
You should continue to use the other styles too. But you may wish to experiment with getting more comfortable with Harmonizing, especially in relationships important to you or where connecting has been difficult.